today called for a change in scenery. i ventured from our little bubble in the middle of the dfw metroplex to the city of dallas at ascension coffee. i have to admit, i’ve been a starbucks snob because they pay for education and give me great benefits and fair pay, but this place is more my speed.
also, new update on me…i have to go gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free, stop eating pork and stop using canola oil. i have a thyroid condition called hashimoto’s, and it is supposed to help with my symptoms and overall health. and if you know me, i’m pretty darn picky, so this will be an adventure for me.
okay okay, so into what i want to talk about today. i want to actually blog today, to have a voice today. so, i’m going to text my best babe and she is going to give me a topic to go on a rambling tangent about- and i’m quite excited.
today’s topic is
okay. easy enough.
I don’t know a lot about coffee, but i know more than your average joe about a good cup of joe. but truth be told, i am actually not a huge fan of the buzz bean everyone loves. i’m a “coffee with my sugar” kind of gal. i have nothing against it, i just don’t like the taste. that’s all.
coffee is interesting though because it does actually possess a ton of health benefits. it can lower the chances of type 2 diabetes, parkinson’s disease, liver disease, heart disease, it helps with your metabolism, it has virtually zero calories if drunken black, it has antibodies, and the list goes on.
i wish i like coffee, i really do. i have an obsession with soda though- particularly coca-cola. i’m convinced they still conceal cocaine in there. i cannot go a day without it, its quite ridiculous, because i honestly don’t even like the taste 7 out of 10 times. some how though, that damn coke always makes it’s way into my hand.
that’s one industry that needs to take a step back, or a step towards changing their sales approach. i mean increased soda consumption has lead to childhood obesity, high blood sugar, it’s acidic properties destroy your stomach lining and teeth, and oh my gosh it is just the worst. and i can’t freaking get enough of it. that’s the worst feeling- consciously making the decision that you know was the wrong one.
that got dark really fast, and you know what, i’m not in the mood to be in a dark place, so we are just gonna move on.
so yeah coffee.
espresso yourself and i love you a latte.
LOL COME ON GUYS LAUGH IT OFF WITH ME.
anyways, another thing i do really enjoy about most coffee shops is the bakery aspect of it. i love to bake. i rarely eat what i bake/ make it for me to eat, but i love baking cookies and cakes and brownies and anything and everything sweet. that is what i wanna do when i’m an old lady with lots of grandkids- just have a little bakery and tea shop.
baking has just always been something i did to de-stress and it always made my dad so happy to eat whatever i made him and i loved that. i truly love making people happy. that is what i want to do with my life, just make the world smile a little bigger. but um yeah that is why baking is so great, it is step-by-step and people love homemade gifts and food. if you ever get the chance to meet me, you know if someone besides my family and close friends reads this, ask me to bake you something and give me free-reign, you’ll be impressed i promise.
there we go. i just needed to ramble enough to figure out something to really rant on. i really want to talk about confidence today.
i have zero confidence in many aspects of life. i have never thought i was pretty, i never thought i was any one’s first choice, i thought i was second-rate in every way possible basically. there were two things about myself i was very confident in though- baking and the softness of my hair. weird right? but i do have crazy soft hair because i take OCD-level care of it. it always is soft, and it smells good, and its pretty, and i never blow-dry it or straighten it or damage it…my hair is the bomb. anyways though, i never had any confidence in myself no matter how much i was reassured.
then it occurred to me (occurred to me recently, like i didn’t realize this as a child), it occurred to me that no one is confident in everything they do. i didn’t see it as a child because i was so so self-conscious. i couldn’t believe that people just didn’t care what other’s thought of them. how? how could you not care? i didn’t understand because i always care. i wanted to be liked by everyone. i was never enough for everyone though, and i should have realized i was enough for me. that is what should have mattered.
confidence is a fickle thing. if you have too much you become cocky, self-absorbed. if you have too little you become invisible, a void. that is something i need to work on, knowing that i belong on this earth and knowing i’m fine just the way i am. i need to love myself before i can let others love me, and i’ve always just tried to have enough people love me that i wouldn’t notice that i didn’t love myself, but that isn’t how this works. it is going to be a learning process but it is something i have to do for myself. how can i expect to survive if i don’t like myself? that is just silly.
so i’ll start slow. i still have self-image issues to work on, but i think i’m like one of the nicest, most self-aware people out there. i try exceptionally hard to make everyone happy and i’m extremely empathetic, so i’ll keep trying until i know someone feels better. that’s a good quality of mine. i think i’m pretty funny too- apparently that is up for debate though…
no it’s not. i’m fucking hysterical.
i’m not perfect, but i don’t need to be. as long as i can live with me, as long as i accept the person i am, that should be enough.